From: Love Fraud
by Donna Andersen
Dear Mr. or Ms. Esquire,
When a client tells you his or her opponent is a sociopath, please be aware of the ramifications for your legal case.
First of all, do not disregard the statement just because the
opponent hasn’t killed anyone. A common perception is that sociopaths
are all deranged serial killers. This is not true—only a small
percentage of sociopaths commit murder. But all sociopaths are social
predators, and live by exploiting others.
Frequently this is financial exploitation—many sociopaths are skilled
con artists—but not always. Sociopaths also target people who can
provide them with a place to live, business connections, sex,
housekeeping or other support services, children, or a respectable image
in the community while they live double lives. The point is that
sociopaths intentionally use manipulation and deceit to hook their
target. They continue the manipulation and deceit to keep the
exploitation going, bleeding the target until there is nothing left. At
that point, some sociopaths abandon the target, moving on without a
backward glance.
Sometimes, however, the target gets wise to the sociopath, and wants
to end the involvement. At this point, some sociopaths become enraged at
the possibility of losing control, and set out to crush the target.
They are not interested in compromise or equitable distribution. They do
not want to give the target whatever he or she is entitled to. They
want to grind the target into the dirt.
What you need to understand about sociopaths
1. A sociopath’s prime objective is power and control. All they want is to win.
2. Sociopaths love the drama of court because it gives them an
opportunity to win. They do not consider the possibility that they may
lose. If they do lose, they view it a bump in the road, and figure out
how to attack the target again. Forcing the target to incur steadily
mounting legal expenses is considered a win.
3. Sociopaths lie. They lie convincingly. They have no qualms about lying in court documents or on the witness stand.
4. Sociopaths manipulate other people to lie for them. These
witnesses may not know they are lying—they may simply believe everything
that the sociopath has told them, because sociopaths are so convincing.
5. Sociopaths feel no obligation to follow court orders or the law.
They only follow court orders or the law if they perceive an advantage
in doing so. But they are experts at figuring out ways to use the law to
further their objective, which is to crush your client.
How people become targets
Most of us believe that people are basically good inside
and everybody just wants to be loved. Because we do not know that there
are exceptions to these beliefs—namely, sociopaths—we have huge blind
spots that these predators can exploit.
No normal person intentionally becomes involved with a lying,
manipulative sociopath. So when your client tells you outrageous stories
of the sociopath’s behavior, and also says he or she never knew about
the behavior, or accepted the sociopath’s explanations, your client is
most likely telling the truth.
How do these entanglements happen? Sociopaths are always on the
lookout for people they can use. When they encounter someone through any
social interaction, they quickly evaluate whether that person has
something that they want. If the answer is yes, they assess the person
for vulnerabilities. Then they figure out how to exploit the person’s
vulnerabilities to achieve their objective.
Sociopaths engage in calculated seduction. If you’re handling a
divorce case, the seduction was romantic. If it’s some other type of
case, the seduction may have involved shared beliefs, aspirations or
goals. Either way, in the beginning of the involvement the target is
subject to a wonderful honeymoon of admiration and promise.
Once the target is hooked, the sociopath begins the exploitation,
while simultaneously ramping up manipulation to keep the target under
control. This may involve:
- Isolating the target from his or her support network
- Emotional, psychological, verbal, physical, sexual or financial abuse
- Gaslighting—making the target doubt his or her own perceptions
What you need to understand about the target
1. Involvement with a sociopath is like living in a black hole of
chaos. Your client, the target, has probably had every aspect of his or
her life disrupted:
- Career interrupted
- Finances ruined
- Health compromised
- Home and property neglected
- Relationships shattered
By the time the legal action commenced, your client may have already
been in free fall for a long time. He or she may feel overwhelmed by the
magnitude of the issues that need to be addressed.
2. Involvement with a sociopath can cause post-traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD). At one time PTSD was diagnosed only in relation to a
single traumatic event that involved risk of serious injury or death,
coupled with intense fear, horror or helplessness. A new definition
identifies a type of PTSD that results from cumulative trauma and
long-term injury.
3. PTSD is a psychiatric injury (not a mental illness). PTSD causes
biochemical changes in the brain and affects certain areas of the
brain’s anatomy. Common symptoms include intrusive thoughts, nightmares,
flashbacks, difficulty concentrating and exhaustion.
4. The litigation against the sociopath makes your client
re-experience the underlying trauma and triggers the symptoms of PTSD.
Dr. Karin Huffer, in her book Unlocking Justice, explains what happens:
Mentally reliving the trauma during legal proceedings simultaneously activates parts of the brain that support intense emotions while diminishing the functions of the central nervous system that controls motor output, regulates physiological arousal, and impedes the ability to communicate in words. Memory fails and intrusive emotions sabotage concentration on the task at hand. Litigants feel incapable of the spontaneous verbal response and interaction required in typical courtroom exchanges. As a result, the litigant with PTSD might be driven to avoid topics. They literally do not hear them. They disconnect when they need to engage. And, at times, they clearly are nonfunctional and are unable to communicate their symptoms and needs in a formal manner accepted by the courts.
5. Targets of sociopaths have been deceived, betrayed and perhaps
subject to violence. They approach the courts expecting justice, which
sociopaths actively thwart. When justice is denied, and targets instead
experience profound and prolonged injustice, their PTSD takes on another
dimension, which Huffer identifies as “Legal Abuse Syndrome.”
Your client’s experience
The goal of this letter, Mr. or Ms. Esquire, is to help you
understand what your client has experienced. My objective is to explain
why he or she may be having difficulties with the litigation process,
and difficulties moving on in life. The sociopath intentionally used
your client—perhaps for years—and may be intentionally attempting to
destroy him or her now.
Your client is not irrational, lazy or obstinate. Your client is having a normal reaction to profound betrayal.
Sincerely,
Donna Andersen
Author, Lovefraud.com, and a former litigant against a sociopath
Author, Lovefraud.com, and a former litigant against a sociopath
